In the Limbo

 

″Nationality is not the only thing that our children inherit from us, our status as an immigrant also passes on to them″

Sometimes I think I’m living a contradiction of my own values and thoughts. All my life I thought living in the western part of the world such as Europe will provide me happiness and security. And now that I’m here I feel none.

When I say security I mean in the way that I feel safe for the gender I identify myself which is as a woman. I always thought security will come by hand with happiness but I was wrong.

I remember the first time I arrived in Europe, I was lucky or as I would actually say, I just had the resources to actually build my way here. I was desperate to leave my country. I was tired, sick, angry, afraid, frustrated and depress. Taking advantage of my good academical grades I sign up to a traineeship program that would open the doors to the Western world.

Generally, I thought about Europe in a homogeneous way, I didn’t  do any type of research on their specific cultures, values or history of their individual countries. I just thought everything should just be much better than where I was.

When I got my first opportunity to do an internship in Switzerland I didn’t think it twice. It was only for 4 months, but that was enough for a start. I didn’t know nothing about Switzerland, it could had meant the same as Poland but when I got there, slowly I started to understand that depending on where you are in Europe your parameters for security will vary. Everything will vary.

I’m not afraid or feel unsafe for being a woman in Denmark, one of the most egalitarian societies in the world, but I do feel afraid and unsafe for being an immigrant.

Why are you fighting so much to stay in a country that doesn’t welcome you? Doesn’t want you? Doesn’t need you?

What I’m I doing here and why I feel I will never be accepted among the Danes? Why not just keep traveling the world and go to Asia, Center America and do my own thing?

I feel I’m stuck in middle of a social trap. My energy and motivation are being sucked, I believe in activism and fighting against racism and the capacity of empowering people to achieve their goals and dreams, but I feel so restricted of being myself because I might find myself unqualified and deported if provoking any ”hassles”.

 

 

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